EMERGENCY — 3 MINUTES AGO! Sarah Ferguson , wiping away tears, ran straight into the Royal Court to announce the tragedy surrounding Prince Andrew after his titles were revoked. Princess Beatrice broke down, holding eugenie as though the world had fallen apart. The sisters cried out in agony: “No… Father, why must it end like this?”
FERNS AND FERGIE! SARAH’S SHOCK ANDREW ANNOUNCEMENT: “HE’S GOING TO THE JUNGLE!”
DUCHESS OF YORK REVEALS ‘REHABILITATION’ PLAN TO SAVE EX-HUSBAND’S REPUTATION
By Lady Tattler, Royal Exclusive
The Duchess of York, Sarah “Fergie” Ferguson, has once again stunned the world with a bizarre and bold declaration—this time involving her perpetually controversial ex-husband, Prince Andrew, the Duke of York.
In a tearful, yet dramatic interview broadcast from her Windsor garden shed (reportedly converted into a meditation yurt), Fergie announced a drastic, last-ditch effort to repair Andrew’s shattered public image: he is going to appear on a reality TV show!
“My Andrew is sensitive, misunderstood, and needs a dose of good, clean British humility,” Fergie explained, wiping away mascara. “He is not going to a remote castle; he’s going to the Australian jungle to face the nation, and the spiders, head-on!”
I’M A ROYAL… GET ME OUT OF HERE!
The Duchess revealed that Prince Andrew has signed a multi-million-pound deal to star in the upcoming season of the hit reality show, I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! The Palace, sources say, had “no comment, then many comments, then no comment again.”
The premise is simple: Andrew will live in the harsh Australian bush, compete in disgusting trials (known as “Bushtucker Trials”), and be judged entirely by the voting British public—the very public he has avoided for years.
“He needs to eat a kangaroo testicle or two,” Fergie declared with a fierce glint in her eye. “He needs to earn the public’s forgiveness, one mealworm at a time. This is his ‘Rehabilitation by Reality’ plan.”
The Unexpected Side Effect
While the public reaction has been predictably chaotic, the most astonishing reaction came from the jungle show’s producers. They had intended for Andrew to be a contestant, but after initial meetings, they realized he would be far better suited to a different role.
BREAKING NEWS: Prince Andrew will not be a contestant. Instead, he will be the Official Royal Sponsor of the Bushtucker Trials, responsible for curating the more challenging (and stomach-churning) elements of the show.
“He knows how to handle a grilling,” the show’s Head of Development, Barry ‘The Beast’ Barnes, stated. “We figure if he can handle the past few years, he can certainly handle being in charge of fermented eggs and live tarantulas. Fergie helped us see his management potential!”
Fergie insists this is all part of the master plan. “The public will see Andrew as a hard-working, diligent man… who happens to be overseeing the consumption of offal. It’s a stepping stone!”
The nation waits with bated breath to see if Andrew can survive the jungle—or, more importantly, if his reputation can.
